WARNING! This post is not for children or those who are easily offended!

OK, you've been warned, so don't blame me.

Well, we got our butcher block today. Finally! And it's, well, um ... it's f**ktastically craptastic! It's a brilliant work of craptitude! OK, let me be fair - it is a beautiful piece of wood. A lovely Brazillian Cherry to match our floors. However...

... something doesn't look right, does it? Are we supposed to see an inch of the cut edge of our countertop? My guess is that we're not. And no, I'm not a countertop engineer, a countertop installer, or a countertop guru, I'm just a guy with a kitchen. A guy with a very nice kitchen, who has been waiting for TWO MONTHS for a butcher block that was supposed to take three weeks, in order to complete the kitchen. A pissed off guy, with a ticked off wife, and four little grumpy children, all of whom wanted a butcher block, but not one that was left in the dryer too long.

How the h**l can you mess up like that? We didn't have the block when the countertop was installed because they wanted to wait until the top was in, so they could measure the block exactly. We thought that made sense, so we waited. They came the day after the countertop was installed, with their little tape measure, and their little notepad, and their little brains, and they measured the spot.

Doesn't look like they did that great a job measuring, does it?

And then, when I called to ask the status of the butcher block in late November, I mentioned that we were having people over for Christmas, and wanted to make sure it was in by then. She scoffed - scoffed! - at the very thought that I would consider contemplating that it wouldn't be in by Christmas. Well, I sure hope to h**l we get a butcher block that fits by next Christmas.

Look at this! It's not even a near f***ing miss!

Sorry.